Outbursts of a Neurotic Wife

My husband has affairs.

Yes, I've said it. It's been almost nine years and it still bugs me. It still gets on my nerves, like the day I found out.

He acts like he doesn't know that I know, so we keep going on like nothing's wrong with it.

Every day, when he comes home, he sits his ass in front of the computer and there's where it starts!

He's there while I make dinner, he's there while I clean, after I do the dishes until it's time to go to bed.

Even now, while I'm writing this text he has the nerves of being there doing his "thing" and I have to put up with all the conversation - all the links they share, all the jokes that I don't get - and sometimes he even looks at me, laughing, like I'm listening to the jokes and I'm supposed to find out what the hell is funny about that! Sometimes I just pretend that I'm not paying any attention while he stares at me with his fart face! Well, guess what Mr. Smartass?! It's not funny!

It's not funny that I'm alone on the couch watching a movie, writing or resting and you're not here with me. I'm not saying that you literally leave the house - but can you find a more frustrating feeling that the one of feeling alone when in the company of someone?

Don't look at me with that face! He just looked at me like I'm crazy because I'm so frustrated right now that I'm hammering this keyboard with all the strength that I have!

Sometimes I think that I'm going insane and there's a point where you have to ask yourself if you can and if you will put up with it for the rest of your life.

Wait, something just happened - I don't know what it was, but it's not good (maybe he'll leave the computer and will come sit with me). Nope, nevermind, just some silly internet crashing or something.

I often ask myself - What is it that I don't have? Is it the clothes? The style? Hair color? What?! I must be doing something good, otherwise, you had left ages ago!

I just realized that these little things keep me going - I like having the hope that I'm getting it right somewhere.

Oh God, why do I tend to think that he's ever going to change?

He better not think he's making a fool out of me because I know some names. Hahaha! Yes, I know some names and I know that you're not the only one that is being used by them.

The names are countless, depending on the mood and the days - some days it's called League of Legends, others it's called Lineage - I think they're code names.